I have been in a very rare form these past few days, my mind has been going a mile a minute overthinking and over analyzing life in general. This could be due in part to the fact that I am slowly but surely approaching the age of thirty and all of my life is becoming a whirlwind of what was and what could of beens and what will bes. (Possibly) While in one of my many cluster of thoughts I came to the stunning revelation that I could never (nor do I ever want to be) controlled by a man.
According to Dictionary.com the definition of Control is the following: to exercise restraint or direction over; dominate; command.
The definition of Submissive is: inclined or ready to submit; unresistingly or humbly obedient.
It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to recognize that these are two extremely different actions, a woman is inclined to become submissive or obedient to her spouse at her own free will and submission doesn’t equate to being controlled. This is where men often times get it misconstrued, allowing your woman to be submissive and cater to you as a man as she sees fit does not mean she wants you to play Daddy to her. The line is fine and often times crossed, no human being wants to be controlled by another. (Women can be controlling in a relationship as well so don’t think I’m male bashing)
Someone told me that I’d more than likely end up an old maid sitting on a porch swing yelling at neighborhood kids cause I’m too much of a rebel. I have accepted that I can not and will not be controlled by any man, I had a father and that was the only one I needed. A man (boyfriend/husband) has the role of a provider and support system not a dictator or prison guard. A relationship is a unit that should work like a well oiled machine with each part doing a specified job. That is where the submission of a woman comes in, if a man is doing his part to provide for her (and by provide I don’t mean he should work and she should sit at home baking cookies 50/50 remember) and being emotionally supportive of her, her wants and dreams then she should be willing to get her Destiny’s Child on and cater to him and be his backbone. Am I making sense? Good.
So let me clarify, I am not against becoming submissive to my man (husband) because as a woman it is my job to take care of home especially when he is doing his thing for me. But, I will not be controlled, no man is going to tell me who I can be friends with, where I can go, how to talk etc. I was raised to never depend on a man for anything because the moment I don’t do what he asks he has the power to take it away and I refuse to give one man all that power. I am not a stepford wife nor am I going to hop on one leg and bark like a dog cause my man says so. If I can’t get it for myself then I probably don’t need it.
Financial and mental control is a form of domestic abuse.