Married or Single? Pick a Box

When you fill out a job application or a credit application and you get to the “Marital Status” question you are offered on of five options; “Married”, “Single”, “Seperated”, “Divorced” or “Widowed”. (never married is sometimes an added irrelevant option it’s the same as single). Nowhere on that application is there a box for “in a long-term relationship” or “living with my boyfriend”. Only on Facebook can you claim “In a relationship” or “It’s complicated”. marital-status-optionsTo put it plainly, society does not acknowledge a relationship that has not been consummated by marriage. Many, myself included believe that a piece of paper should not be needed to validate your love for someone, unfortunately unless you have that piece of paper you are single. You generally can not go to your job’s human resource office and say “I want to cover my girlfriend on my insurance” (unless this a domestic partner which is ass backwards if you ask me. The fact that a same-sex domestic partnership will be acknowledged before a “relationship” is baffling) I know this is a shocking thing for some but unfortunately it’s the truth and the truth hurts. It used to be that  you could live with someone for seven years and common law in Missouri acknowledged this as a marriage, that law was abolished in 1921. People will argue that a relationship is just as worthy to be acknowledged as a marriage, while I will agree I will also disagree. The sanctity of a relationship is up to you and your girlfriend/boyfriend not others, marriage is respected by all because it is something that was adorned under the eye of GOD. This is no way a religious post, however, as quoted in the good book; “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). “To be united with wife not his babymama or his girlfriend”, although, the Bible does not specifically state it is wrong for an adult man and adult woman who are unrelated to live together, it condemns sexual intimacy before marriage and it reveals that God has only one plan for a man and woman living together – marriage.Wedding Ring
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Truth Be Told

*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~

Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.

“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin.  You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”

You CAN'T Handle The Truth!

You CAN’T Handle The Truth!

I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.

bc

I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”

“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”

Take care of yourselves ~B~

The Side Chick Chronicles~ Part One

I thought this needed to be shared, despite the message I find the information to be useful. This post was adapted from a compilation of conversations and exerpts from other posts. This is part one of a series. Enjoy.

~B~

Let me first say that as a little girl I dreamed of one day becoming  a wife and mother, but isn’t this what all little girls dream? We make Barbie marry Ken and even have  a pretend wedding with the unwilling little boy next door. edward-bella-wedding-barbie-gown-backSo you can imagine my disbelief and hurt when I found out that the man I was in love with was not at all what or who he said he was. I had been in a whirl wind romance for years with a man who had nothing but ill intentions when it came to me and our relationship. He never had any intentions on marrying me and everybody knew it except for me. It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with how things played out. Only recently have I been able to grasp the fact that I was indeed his umm, well how do I say this? Mistress? Side chick? Other woman? Unbeknownst to me I was in fact the ultimate player in this game of hearts. I could have taken my heartbreak and buried my head in the sand, but instead I’ve used it as a lesson learned. Now I am using my living knowledge to educate others. I’m sure I will receive some back lash for condoning or “birthing” if you will “side chicks” but let’s not be coy, infidelity has become the new normal. So for all the side chicks, aspiring side chicks and side chicks who don’t know they’re side chicks this is for you. I encourage the “main chick” to follow my story as well, just as a precautionary measure so you know what you are potentially up against.

Without further ado, I give you; The Ten Commandments:

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Woman to Woman

Most of us recently celebrated Valentine’s Day,  a day that you either love or you hate there is no in between. Valentine’s Day is a man-made holiday predicated by the retail industry to make money and lead people to believe they are not loved if they don’t share the day with someone special. (It’s a load of crap if you ask me, but then again I have not celebrated the day in over five years.) Immediately following Valentine’s Day on February 15th you have what some call, “side chic appreciation day” (some more bullshit that I’m 95% sure was created in the African-American community by some bitter betty). Side chic appreciation day is self-explanatory, it is the day following Valentine’s Day where men (or women) can show appreciation to their side piece of whom they likely ignored on the previous day while spending time with their “main”. My question is, when did it become so socially and or morally acceptable for women (I can only speak from the stand point of a woman considering) to accept the fact that their man is cheating on them? When did infidelity become so common? Seeing all the posts and comments about side chics made me pull out the blues collection, the old school songs that are comical now but speak volumes of truth. Continue reading

Beauty and The Beast

“Could you date someone who you weren’t sexually attracted to?”  A simple question with a complex answer.

The most immediate answer to that question is always a fast “No”, primarily because if you aren’t physically attracted to someone you aren’t going to date them let alone be sexually drawn to them. (That’s just human nature) Unless you are only dating someone for materialistic gain then their looks don’t particularly matter but  that’s a different story in its entirety. Everybody has their own preference and what is ugly to one may be beautiful to another. Sometimes I wonder do people (both men and women) set unrealistic standards for themselves? How can you say you only date men with good hair and perfect teeth when you wear a weave and have braces? My original question led me to a different thought. “Some of the best relationships are those that start as friendships” Physical and sexual attraction is not a requirement for friendship, so should there come a time that you find yourself falling for a friend who in the eyes of most is not attractive do you deny your feelings? Do you hide your intentions when you find yourself magnetically attracted to someone who is simply not your normal? Continue reading