Open Wounds

“Until you heal the wounds of your past, you are to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, with alcohol, with drugs, with work, with cigarettes, with sex; but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life. You must find the strength to open the wounds, stick your hands inside, pull out the core of the pain that is holding you in your past, the memories and make peace with them.” ~ Author Unknown

How Resiliant…

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”  ~Elizabeth Edwards

I think sometimes we forget that things in life [our life] could be a lot worse than what we feel is bad. At times we become ungrateful of the things we have been given, or take for granted the things that so many desire to have. Over the years I have been swayed into a line of work that is at times not all glamorous or a piece of a cake. I have seen things that I wish I had not had to bear witness to. I have come to the realization over the years that these are things that I was supposed to see, things that had I not been exposed to I would still be living a life of ungratefulness, a life of mediocre acceptance of the things I have. At the age of [almost 30] I am ever changing and ever evolving because in life nothing ever really stays the same. Who am I to fight progress and resist change? [Good or Bad]

~B

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Fear Factor..

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” ~ Marianne Williamson “A Return to Love”

By far one of the greatest quotes  ever written, this quote is often discredited to its author and credited to the late Nelson Mandela in his 1994 Inaugural speech. This is one of my personal favorites,  this paragraph speaks volumes if you listen closely. I was reminded of these words today as  I was having one of my many adventures in parenting. Not that I was faced with one my fears but I was reminded that I do in fact have a few. By far one of my greatest fears is that I will fail as a parent. (I mean isn’t this something all first time parents fear?) I have been a mom for nearly nine and a half years (I believe parenting begins long before birth) and I still find there are things that I have yet to learn or master. Each day with my son is different from the day before, so there is always something new. In accepting the fact that I do not now and may never know everything there is to know about anything, I fear that I will disappoint or fail my son. I fear that all I have done to be a positive role model for my son will be overshadowed by a past indiscretion or a one bad move. Then I am reminded of the words quoted above, “You are a child of GOD.” I don’t believe I would have been charged and blessed with such responsibility of raising such a resilient child if I were not properly equipped, for HE knew long before April 15, 2005 what was in store for me. It is in knowing that I am a child of GOD that gives me the courage I need to be fearless in everything I do.

What is your biggest fear?

A Journey…..

“When we are on a journey we don’t fear change, we welcome it, we look forward to new and unfamiliar experiences, we are full of optimism because we are filled with the expectation of a wonderful adventure and it’s the perfect attitude to carry with you every day because life too is a journey.” -Senora Roy

Here it is, 5:18 am on a Monday morning. Unable to sleep, I have been awake since 3. Like a kid on the first day of school my nerves and anxiety have gotten the best of me. It was admist my tossing and turning that I was reminded of a conversation with a friend and former co-worker. “B, I am on a journey. A journey to figure out who I am and what makes me happy. Everyday I am constantly peeling back layers of myself. I’m just on a journey.” Initially, I laughed at the thought then it hit me. (Kind of like a Carrie Bradshaw voice over) Everyday we embark on something new, despite repition, no day is like the day before. (Unless you’re Bill Murray in the movie GroundHog Day) Each day we are given, we are given an opportunity to do something new and different, given another chance to smile at someone you normally don’t smile at or something to that effect.

So as I lay here, now partaking in Sex and the City reruns I realize that today begins an entirely new journey for me. One that only the Most High himself could have orchestrated. But I also realize that in the four months leading up to this very moment I was then; also on a journey, a totally different path but none the less a journey. So, while nervous and anxious for what this day holds I shall hold my head high, take a deep breath, smile, go forward and look great while doing so.

“Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason”
~ Carrie Bradshaw

Happy Monday!!

~B