I was trolling the internet last night when I came across a new promo commercial from Angel Soft Toilet Paper, entitled “Happy Father’s Day, Mom.” The ad featured several people of different sexes and races expressing their sentiments for their mothers who was for whatever reason a single parent. I have to admit I was not able to finish watching the entire promo as because I was just that disgusted at this display of disrespect. View the promo and my open letter to Angel Soft Toilet Paper after the break.
A large part of me wanted to call her, talk to her, hear her side of the story. Find out what kinds of bullshit he’d been feeding her, then there was a small part that couldn’t bring myself to admit that what was happening was real. The desperation and hurt in her voice was familiar and I felt for her. I replayed her messages over and over until I couldn’t stomach anymore of the self-inflicted torture.
I guess he thought I’d never find out, about all the women, the lies, the infidelity, the betrayal. But like most men he got comfortable, got sloppy and undoubtedly got his ass busted.
From the beginning the relationship was a game of cat and mouse, I played hard to get mainly because he just wasn’t my type, but after months of a never-ending chase I gave in and decided there was something I liked about him. It wasn’t that he was overally fine or that he was swagged out like Victor Newman from Young and the Restless (as a matter of fact he was none of those things) that finally made me give in, it was the fact that he never asked anything of me and accepted me flaws and all. In knowing that, I relaxed my standards and allowed myself to feel. I just knew that this would be the one. After a short time I settled into my relationship and made one big mistake, I became complacent, I got too relaxed and let my guards down. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make in any relationship is believing that she is exempt from being betrayed by her man.
Urban Dictionary defines the term Fun Boy as such; “A male with latent homosexual tendencies who enjoys the company of other males” . The term fun boy is used when referencing men who exhibit all the behaviors of that of a homosexual male. In most cases these men deny having homosexual tendencies and often times go to extreme measures to prove they aren’t “fun boys”. With the recent allegations of football player Kerry Rhodes by former assistant/lover Russell “Hollywood” Simpson it seems that many “side boos” (Side Boo= the male version of a side chick) are no longer willing to keep their lovers dirty little secret. Brothers being on the “down low” is nothing shocking, this epidemic of underworld boy on boy action while having a wife, girlfriend or children at home has been going on for years. It seems that Hollywood being willing to come forward with his truth has opened Pandora’s Box, allow me to take you into the world of a fun boy.
*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~
Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.
“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin. You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”
I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.
I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”
“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”
Take care of yourselves ~B~
I thought this needed to be shared, despite the message I find the information to be useful. This post was adapted from a compilation of conversations and exerpts from other posts. This is part one of a series. Enjoy.
Let me first say that as a little girl I dreamed of one day becoming a wife and mother, but isn’t this what all little girls dream? We make Barbie marry Ken and even have a pretend wedding with the unwilling little boy next door. So you can imagine my disbelief and hurt when I found out that the man I was in love with was not at all what or who he said he was. I had been in a whirl wind romance for years with a man who had nothing but ill intentions when it came to me and our relationship. He never had any intentions on marrying me and everybody knew it except for me. It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with how things played out. Only recently have I been able to grasp the fact that I was indeed his umm, well how do I say this? Mistress? Side chick? Other woman? Unbeknownst to me I was in fact the ultimate player in this game of hearts. I could have taken my heartbreak and buried my head in the sand, but instead I’ve used it as a lesson learned. Now I am using my living knowledge to educate others. I’m sure I will receive some back lash for condoning or “birthing” if you will “side chicks” but let’s not be coy, infidelity has become the new normal. So for all the side chicks, aspiring side chicks and side chicks who don’t know they’re side chicks this is for you. I encourage the “main chick” to follow my story as well, just as a precautionary measure so you know what you are potentially up against.
Without further ado, I give you; The Ten Commandments: