Broken Silence

A large part of me wanted to call her, talk to her, hear her side of the story. Find out what kinds of bullshit he’d been feeding her, then there was a small part that couldn’t bring myself to admit that what was happening was real. The desperation and hurt in her voice was familiar and I felt for her. I replayed her messages over and over until I couldn’t stomach anymore of the self-inflicted torture.

I guess he thought I’d never find out, about all the women, the lies, the infidelity, the betrayal. But like most men he got comfortable, got sloppy and undoubtedly got his ass busted.

From the beginning the relationship was a game of cat and mouse, I played hard to get mainly because he just wasn’t my type, but after months of a never-ending chase I gave in and decided there was something I liked about him. It wasn’t that he was overally fine or that he was swagged out like Victor Newman from Young and the Restless (as a matter of fact he was none of those things) that finally made me give in, it was the fact that he never asked anything of me and accepted me flaws and all. In knowing that, I relaxed my standards and allowed myself to feel. I just knew that this would be the one. After a short time I settled into my relationship and made one big mistake, I became complacent, I got too relaxed and let my guards down. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make in any relationship is believing that she is exempt from being betrayed by her man.
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Confessions of a Fun Boy

Urban Dictionary defines the term Fun Boy as such;A male with latent homosexual tendencies who enjoys the company of other males” . The term fun boy is used when referencing men who exhibit all the behaviors of that of a homosexual male. In most cases these men deny having homosexual tendencies and often times go to extreme measures to prove they aren’t “fun boys”. With the recent allegations of football player Kerry Rhodes by former assistant/lover Russell “Hollywood” Simpson it seems that many “side boos” (Side Boo= the male version of a side chick) are no longer willing to keep their lovers dirty little secret. Brothers being on the “down low” is nothing shocking, this epidemic of underworld boy on boy action while having a wife, girlfriend or children at home has been going on for years. It seems that Hollywood being willing to come forward with his truth has opened Pandora’s Box, allow me to take you into the world of a fun boy. kerry_rhodes_gay_russell_simpson

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Married or Single? Pick a Box

When you fill out a job application or a credit application and you get to the “Marital Status” question you are offered on of five options; “Married”, “Single”, “Seperated”, “Divorced” or “Widowed”. (never married is sometimes an added irrelevant option it’s the same as single). Nowhere on that application is there a box for “in a long-term relationship” or “living with my boyfriend”. Only on Facebook can you claim “In a relationship” or “It’s complicated”. marital-status-optionsTo put it plainly, society does not acknowledge a relationship that has not been consummated by marriage. Many, myself included believe that a piece of paper should not be needed to validate your love for someone, unfortunately unless you have that piece of paper you are single. You generally can not go to your job’s human resource office and say “I want to cover my girlfriend on my insurance” (unless this a domestic partner which is ass backwards if you ask me. The fact that a same-sex domestic partnership will be acknowledged before a “relationship” is baffling) I know this is a shocking thing for some but unfortunately it’s the truth and the truth hurts. It used to be that  you could live with someone for seven years and common law in Missouri acknowledged this as a marriage, that law was abolished in 1921. People will argue that a relationship is just as worthy to be acknowledged as a marriage, while I will agree I will also disagree. The sanctity of a relationship is up to you and your girlfriend/boyfriend not others, marriage is respected by all because it is something that was adorned under the eye of GOD. This is no way a religious post, however, as quoted in the good book; “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). “To be united with wife not his babymama or his girlfriend”, although, the Bible does not specifically state it is wrong for an adult man and adult woman who are unrelated to live together, it condemns sexual intimacy before marriage and it reveals that God has only one plan for a man and woman living together – marriage.Wedding Ring
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Truth Be Told

*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~

Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.

“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin.  You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”

You CAN'T Handle The Truth!

You CAN’T Handle The Truth!

I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.

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I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”

“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”

Take care of yourselves ~B~

Open Letter to My Bestfriend

Friend,
 
I hope my words meet your eyes and enter your heart with dearest sincerity. It has been months since you and I last spoke, it is rare that we would go a day without a call, text, or tweet. It didn’t take long before we realized just how much we were meant to be, it will be eight years since you and I first met. Our friendship has always been one that people could never understand, our inside jokes, our bond, our love for each other. Over the years we have both suffered great highs and extreme lows, but through them all we had each other to lean on. From Black Pearl, to Clayton, to fashion shows to club hopping we have done it all.(And with great style I must admit) If anyone has seen me at my worst it is you, if anyone can say they know me best it is you. I have yet to meet anyone that make me laugh the way you do. For years everybody wanted to know “Who is Silas?” “Why Harlem keep shouting him out in every article?” After October 2009 it was obvious WHO Silas was, the other half of me! (We were inseparable) The voice that sang so beautifully to my mother on her 50th birthday, the person that my son calls “Uncle Silas” and the one person I trust with all my secrets. Whenever you saw one you knew the other wasn’t too far behind.
Every great moment I’ve experienced in the past eight years I can’t remember a time when you weren’t there. It goes without saying that for every heartbreak I have endured you were there to put the pieces back together.
But here we are, not even speaking, my calls and texts go unanswered and my apologies unaccepted. “I’m sorry” always seems to be the hardest words, but for you to forgive I am willing to say them a thousand times more. I know that I let you down when you needed me and for that I am sorry. I have been a terrible friend over the past couple of months and I am sorry! I hurt you and for that I am so sorry.
 
 
 
 
 
But I miss you and I want my best friend back, so I am doing the one thing that I can  never fail at and writing you this letter. Our friendship is colorful and never full of judgement, if ever two people weren’t meant to be friends it is you and I. I am convinced that when GOD made you he had me in mind. What I’m trying to say is that I miss you, I’m sorry and I love you. If you decide that even this is not enough to forgive me then at least I know I tried.
 
Love always,
Harlem