Random Thoughts

I was watching “For Colored Girls” last night and while all of the poems speak volumes this one made the most noise within me. Most people find this movie to have been disturbing and depressing I did not. I have read the book of poems and while the onscreen adaptation is widely different the message is the same. So I just wanted to share Thandie Newton’s in her roles as Tangie monologue with my readers.

“I know, I’m sorry, you need to know something. You can’t love somebody who has that much hurt in them. I’m learning that more and more. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve lost touch with reality. I don’t know who’s doing it. I thought I was but I was so stupid. I was able to be hurt and that’s not real. Not anymore. We should be immune. If we’re still alive. How are we still live? My dependency on other living beings for love. I survive on intimacy? And tomorrow, that’s all I’ve got going. And it is all I have, being alive and being a woman. Being colored is a metaphysical dilemma I haven’t conquered yet. Do you see the point? Our spirits are too close to understand separation.”

You can’t love somebody with that much hurt in them.” Such a powerful statement but what is even more powerful is that it is relatable. For a person to admit they are incapable of being loved is deep. To be able to identify that there is something deeper than what the eye can see, to be able to admit that there is something hidden inside you that has caused so much damage that love is out of the question. We are all capable of love and being loved, even the person with a heart that is two sizes too small love is possible. The promiscuous woman, the jaded woman, the heartless woman wants to be loved unconditionally. The question still remains, “How do you love someone with so much hurt in them?”

 “My dependency on other living beings for love. I survive on intimacy” What does this mean? There are so many woman who are like this character and can relate to this monologue but aren’t able to admit it. A woman who is so deeply damaged and hurt confuses sex with love. Quite possibly she was raped or molested at a young age so her perception of love is clouded with confusion because someone who said they loved her sexed her in the wrong way. The notion that sex is your best asset is a disturbing thought. As a woman we have so much more to offer than just our body, but for the damaged woman who was introduced to sex long before she was ready this is it. Sex is not love, yet so many confuse the two. Existing is not living, there is a difference. What are you doing?

Take care of yourselves

~B~

"SORRY"~as written by Ntozake Shange

~The lady in red spoke this poem in “For Colored Girls” and I think there is a piece of this poem we all can relate to.~ I love this poem

“One thing I don’t need
is any more apologies
I got sorry greetin me at my front door
you can keep yours.
I don’t know what to do wit em
they don’t open doors
or bring the sun back.
They dont make me happy
or get a mornin paper
didn’t nobody stop usin my tears to wash cars.
Cuz a sorry
I am simply tired
of collectin
I didn’t know
I was so important to you
I’m gonna haveta throw some away
I can’t get to the clothes in my closet
for alla the sorries.
I’m gonna tack a sign to my door
leave a message by the phone
‘if you called
to say your sorry
call somebody
else!
I don’t use em anymore’
I let sorry/ didn’t meanta/ & how could I know about that?
Take a walk down a dark & musty street in brooklyn!
I’m gonna do exactly what I want to
& I won’t be sorry for none of it!
Letta sorry soothe your soul/ I’m gonna soothe mine!
You were always inconsistent
doin somethin & then bein sorry
beatin my heart to death!
Talkin bout you sorry well,
I will not call,
I’m not goin to be nice,
I will raise my voice,
& scream & holler
& break things & race the engine
& tell all your secrets bout yourself to your face
& I will list in detail everyone of my wonderful lovers
& their ways I will play oliver lake loud!
& I  wont be sorry for none of it
I LOVED YOU ON PURPOSE,I WAS OPEN ON PURPOSE!
I still crave vulnerability & close talk
& I’m not even sorry bout you bein sorry!
you can carry all the guilt & grime ya wanna
just dont give it to me!
I cant use another sorry
next time
you should admit
you’re mean/ low-down/ triflin/ & no count straight out
steada bein sorry alla the time
enjoy bein YOURSELF”