A Journey…..

“When we are on a journey we don’t fear change, we welcome it, we look forward to new and unfamiliar experiences, we are full of optimism because we are filled with the expectation of a wonderful adventure and it’s the perfect attitude to carry with you every day because life too is a journey.” -Senora Roy

Here it is, 5:18 am on a Monday morning. Unable to sleep, I have been awake since 3. Like a kid on the first day of school my nerves and anxiety have gotten the best of me. It was admist my tossing and turning that I was reminded of a conversation with a friend and former co-worker. “B, I am on a journey. A journey to figure out who I am and what makes me happy. Everyday I am constantly peeling back layers of myself. I’m just on a journey.” Initially, I laughed at the thought then it hit me. (Kind of like a Carrie Bradshaw voice over) Everyday we embark on something new, despite repition, no day is like the day before. (Unless you’re Bill Murray in the movie GroundHog Day) Each day we are given, we are given an opportunity to do something new and different, given another chance to smile at someone you normally don’t smile at or something to that effect.

So as I lay here, now partaking in Sex and the City reruns I realize that today begins an entirely new journey for me. One that only the Most High himself could have orchestrated. But I also realize that in the four months leading up to this very moment I was then; also on a journey, a totally different path but none the less a journey. So, while nervous and anxious for what this day holds I shall hold my head high, take a deep breath, smile, go forward and look great while doing so.

“Eventually all the pieces fall into place….until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything happens for a reason”
~ Carrie Bradshaw

Happy Monday!!


Just For Me

hammer doll

Who wants Ken when you can have Hammer?

Growing up I had a large collection of dolls and Barbie dolls, a collection in which I was very proud of. I loved to comb their hair, dress them up and ride them around in Barbie’s candy apple red Corvette. (I never had a Ken doll, he wasn’t fly enough for my Barbie. I had a Mc Hammer Doll instead) Even though my collection was full of different kinds of Barbies, from Malibu Barbie to Baywatch Barbie. Despite the fact that all of my dolls held a different occupation or wore a different outfit they had one thing in common, they were black.
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Truth Be Told

*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~

Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.

“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin.  You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”

You CAN'T Handle The Truth!

You CAN’T Handle The Truth!

I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.


I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”

“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”

Take care of yourselves ~B~

The Colour Crisis

Anyone who knows me (or doesn’t but has seen more than one picture of me) will testify that I am rarely seen in a social setting in any color other than black. I literally have a closet full of black clothes, NO I am not in mourning or grieving the death of anyone. I just love the color black or do I?? Is there something deeper that makes me feel the need to wear black? After recently color coordinating my closet I decided to research the effects of clothing color on self-esteem and mood. This is what I’ve come up with.

Red: This morning I put on a pair of red shoes and a red top. I immediately felt energetic and excited, I was ready for my day to begin. According to research the color red is a physical yet basic color. Stimulating us and raising our pulse rate. Red is normally associated with adult sexuality and passion. (Valentine’s Day, love, lingerie etc). Red is a color of strength, giving off the “stop and look” effect. Like a stop light.

Blue: I don’t personally wear a lot of blue, primarily because I was always a “girly girl” and blue is associated with masculinity. (Boys wear blue girls wear pink) I noticed that when I do wear blue of lighter or moderate shades I feel a sense of calm and relaxation. This is because blues are associated with serenity, calm and coolness being connected to the blue sky or the ocean.

Yellow: I LOVE yellow and I do mean LOVE! One of my favorite colors, psychologically yellow is the strongest color. Yellow is associated with the sun and sunshine giving a feeling a confidence, friendliness and creativity. The right tone of yellow will lift your spirits and self-esteem.

Purple: Another personal favorite, often associated with with royalty purple signifies quality and luxury. Purple for most women signifies a sense of strength and survival due to the fact that it has become the official color of domestic violence awareness. However too much purple of the wrong tone communicates something cheap and nasty.

Pink: What little girl isn’t a princess and doesn’t love pink?? ME! Although I am a “girly girl” I do not like a lot of pink. I can count the number of pink items in my wardrobe on one hand. Pink does the opposite of red, it soothes rather than stimulates. Pink represents femininity, love and simple sexuality. Too much pink of any tone is draining to the eye. (like a bottle of Pepto Bismol)

Black: Always save the best for last, my ALL time favorite color for ALL occasions. Black signifies power, sophistication, and glamour. Black absorbs, bringing attention essentially causing confidence. It is my theory that “bosses” wear black. Most people tend to associate black with death and mourning(which is fine considering people wear black to funerals). However it’s the way you wear it, black makes you feel sexy. Need some color? Put on a red lace pantie and bra set on underneath your LBD (little black dress) and see how you feel.

Following this blog and my research I have come to the conclusion that I wear black because I enjoy feeling sexy, confident and powerful. When I step into a room in a black dress and a red bag attention is drawn to me, like a moth to a flame. Ultimately the colors we choose to wear or not wear on a daily basis has an effect on not only how other people see or feel about you but the way you see and feel about yourself. What color are you wearing today?