Broken Silence

A large part of me wanted to call her, talk to her, hear her side of the story. Find out what kinds of bullshit he’d been feeding her, then there was a small part that couldn’t bring myself to admit that what was happening was real. The desperation and hurt in her voice was familiar and I felt for her. I replayed her messages over and over until I couldn’t stomach anymore of the self-inflicted torture.

I guess he thought I’d never find out, about all the women, the lies, the infidelity, the betrayal. But like most men he got comfortable, got sloppy and undoubtedly got his ass busted.

From the beginning the relationship was a game of cat and mouse, I played hard to get mainly because he just wasn’t my type, but after months of a never-ending chase I gave in and decided there was something I liked about him. It wasn’t that he was overally fine or that he was swagged out like Victor Newman from Young and the Restless (as a matter of fact he was none of those things) that finally made me give in, it was the fact that he never asked anything of me and accepted me flaws and all. In knowing that, I relaxed my standards and allowed myself to feel. I just knew that this would be the one. After a short time I settled into my relationship and made one big mistake, I became complacent, I got too relaxed and let my guards down. One of the biggest mistakes a woman can make in any relationship is believing that she is exempt from being betrayed by her man.
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Confessions of a Cheater~ Just Like Eve

The truth that survives is simply the lie that is pleasantest to believe.  —  H. L. Mencken

I’ve heard the best love is forbidden love, a love that you know is no good for you, a love that makes you feel so high one moment and lower than low the next. There is nothing more intoxicating than a forbidden love, a love you can’t tell even your closest friends about, a love that you hate to admit to yourself exists. Yeah, there is nothing at all like a forbidden love. So many times we hear the stories of men who are unfaithful, the stories of men having a mistress or a side chick. The stories of women finding out their man has taken a bite of the forbidden fruit that is infidelity. What about women? Are women not capable of being unfaithful? The truth of it is, women are capable and very guilty of being unfaithful, the difference between men and women is that we have less of a tendency to be sloppy and get caught. If you don’t mind I’d like to take you into the mind of a cheater.

“Monogamy or whatever you call it, I’m starting to think it ain’t for everybody.Most of us rushing into it anyways.” ~Wale “Bad”

There are very few people who enter into a relationship with the intent to cheat. The point of committing is to be monogamous, however for some monogamy has become ancient history or urban legend. The tradition of true commitment is antiquated and a thing of times gone past for some. I ask the question, what is the point of making a committment to a relationship if you are going to cheat? If that person doesn’t have all the qualities it takes to please you then why get involved? Valid questions with no simple answers. In the beginning a person could have everything you believe you want and need in a mate, but as days becomes weeks and weeks turn to months things begin to change and you question your choice. The man who once looked so good to you, isn’t all that anymore, you start to notice the small things you didn’t notice before during courtship. He no longer opens doors, he holds you differently, the way he brushes his teeth or leaves his shoes and basketball shorts in the middle of the floor start to slowly irk you. Once one thing begins to bother you everything they do becomes a problem. You begin to question the choice you made to sign an unwritten contract with this person, but you have committed so you stay. It doesn’t take long before you dread going home and being within five feet of the man you once couldn’t stand to be apart from. Once you have reached the point of aggravation it won’t be long before you are easily tempted.  
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Married or Single? Pick a Box

When you fill out a job application or a credit application and you get to the “Marital Status” question you are offered on of five options; “Married”, “Single”, “Seperated”, “Divorced” or “Widowed”. (never married is sometimes an added irrelevant option it’s the same as single). Nowhere on that application is there a box for “in a long-term relationship” or “living with my boyfriend”. Only on Facebook can you claim “In a relationship” or “It’s complicated”. marital-status-optionsTo put it plainly, society does not acknowledge a relationship that has not been consummated by marriage. Many, myself included believe that a piece of paper should not be needed to validate your love for someone, unfortunately unless you have that piece of paper you are single. You generally can not go to your job’s human resource office and say “I want to cover my girlfriend on my insurance” (unless this a domestic partner which is ass backwards if you ask me. The fact that a same-sex domestic partnership will be acknowledged before a “relationship” is baffling) I know this is a shocking thing for some but unfortunately it’s the truth and the truth hurts. It used to be that  you could live with someone for seven years and common law in Missouri acknowledged this as a marriage, that law was abolished in 1921. People will argue that a relationship is just as worthy to be acknowledged as a marriage, while I will agree I will also disagree. The sanctity of a relationship is up to you and your girlfriend/boyfriend not others, marriage is respected by all because it is something that was adorned under the eye of GOD. This is no way a religious post, however, as quoted in the good book; “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). “To be united with wife not his babymama or his girlfriend”, although, the Bible does not specifically state it is wrong for an adult man and adult woman who are unrelated to live together, it condemns sexual intimacy before marriage and it reveals that God has only one plan for a man and woman living together – marriage.Wedding Ring
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The Side Chick Chronicles~Part Two

*Personally I feel that being a side chick, mistress and or other woman is counterproductive to your growth as a woman. What is that you gain from being someone’s dirty little secret? Money? A sense of security? A wet behind? It is sad that so many people (women especially) are settling for such a lifestyle. But here it is Part Two of the Side Chick Chronicles, the remaining five Commandments.*

6) Thou Shall Not Have Unprotected Sex; this is self-explanatory but there are plenty of women out here raw dogging a man who is sleeping with someone else with a condom. (And let’s be realistic if he is cheating on his better half with you what makes you think he is faithful to you? Don’t worry I’ll wait) With so many communicable diseases floating around you should want to protect yourself from catching something you can’t get rid of. (there are less extreme cases than HIV/AIDS like Herpes Simplex, syphilis, and Genital Warts) Not only that, but you also run the risk of an unplanned (or planned) pregnancy. No man is going to allow his side piece to carry and give birth to his seed, so by getting knocked up you are asking for problems and a trip to the clinic.

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Truth Be Told

*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~

Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.

“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin.  You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”

You CAN'T Handle The Truth!

You CAN’T Handle The Truth!

I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.

bc

I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”

“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”

Take care of yourselves ~B~