Anyone Still There?

*A note from the writer* I started this blog nearly ten years ago along with my stent as a freelance writer for a local publication here in my hometown; “The Evening Whirl”. My “career” as a blogger started out as something just for fun, but my journey as a writer began as therapy. When I was a fifteen years old and a freshman in high school my father dropped dead from a heart attack at the age of thirty-six. I had just spoken to him only hours earlier and he was ok. When I lost my daddy I lost a piece of me and I turned inward; I was sad. It wasn’t until my ninth grade English teacher told me that I needed to figure out how to channel all I was feeling into something worth while; he told me to write. And so I did, hence the start of my journey. That was well over nineteen years ago. For a long time I used writing as my tool to get my point across. Not to anyone in particular but just to let it out. And then I stopped! Literally just stopped, the last post on this blog is from December 2016; nearly two years ago. When I stopped writing I starting hurting myself, both in a physical and mental way. Instead of using my outlet in times of stress or crisis I began to hold everything in until I would explode. But not only that, I’d become so lost in myself and self pity that I lost myself (does that make sense? I hope it makes sense). My identity had changed hands, I was now a wife, a mother on a crusade for justice for her son, a friend, a daughter, an advocate for mental illness and  I forgot who I really was, who I was really born to be; a writer.

The title of this post is “Anyone Still There?” but really the question is rhetorical because I don’t care if one or one thousand people read this blog I’m not doing it for them, I’m doing it for me. However, if in the process the right pair of eyes should come in contact with this content know that you are not alone. I’m here with you. This is the first day of doing something again for the first time. Thank you for reading. ~B

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Happy Monday! It has been quite some time since we last came together so we have a bit of catching up to do. Since my last post about Daniel “Boone” fuller, also known as “The Man on the Billboard” I took some time to look at and evaluate the current state in which the community I live is in. Saint Louis, Missouri has been the subject of national news for over a year following the murder of Mike Brown by Ferguson police officer Darren Wilson. This unjust act sparked national outrage and shined a light on the  killings of unarmed black men and women by law enforcement. In cities all across the country [and the world] “Black Lives Matter” has been at the forefront of protests, giving voices to those who can no longer speak for themselves and bringing police brutality to the forefront. I salute the men and women who stand for such a worthy cause.

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Bags..Bags and More Bags….

As written for….

“You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, or months over-analyzing a situation; trying to put the pieces together, justifying what could’ve, would’ve happened…or you can just leave the pieces on the floor and move the f**k on.” ~Lesane Parish Crooks

Allow me for one moment to question you. How much baggage are you carrying? How much anger and resentment burdens you daily? How much of your life passes you by because you can’t see beyond the past? Are you really being your whole self if you are weighing yourself down with unrequited emotions and unresolved issues? I’ll answer that for you, NO. Let’s be honest, nobody (man or woman) wants to enter into a relationship with someone who is carrying the burdens of the past. Continue reading

The Chef and the Elephant

“How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.” Sounds logical right? Sure, in theory, if we were able to apply this to every aspect of our lives how much easier things would be. I was sitting in an impromptu “therapy” session with my co-worker this morning when she said to me, “You can’t eat an elephant whole.” My first thought was; “Well who would want to eat an elephant at all?” But as we continued to talk things began to make sense.one_bite We are always looking at the “BIG” picture, seeing things as a whole as opposed to bits and pieces. We do that and become overwhelmed with all that is on our plate and its difficult to stomach it all. So the question comes, well how do you eat an elephant? That’s easy, one bite at a time. Its so easy to want things right away, which is why we are the microwaveable generation. No time to wait, everything has to be done fast. The notion of eating an elephant helped me realize that not all things are meant to be devoured whole, but bit by bit. Our session ended with a pep talk.


How Resiliant…

“Resilience is accepting your new reality, even if it’s less good than the one you had before. You can fight it, you can do nothing but scream about what you’ve lost, or you can accept that and try to put together something that’s good.”  ~Elizabeth Edwards

I think sometimes we forget that things in life [our life] could be a lot worse than what we feel is bad. At times we become ungrateful of the things we have been given, or take for granted the things that so many desire to have. Over the years I have been swayed into a line of work that is at times not all glamorous or a piece of a cake. I have seen things that I wish I had not had to bear witness to. I have come to the realization over the years that these are things that I was supposed to see, things that had I not been exposed to I would still be living a life of ungratefulness, a life of mediocre acceptance of the things I have. At the age of [almost 30] I am ever changing and ever evolving because in life nothing ever really stays the same. Who am I to fight progress and resist change? [Good or Bad]


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