The Color of Love

paula and robin

“I really do think that all of us are beautiful when we’re happy and in love.” ~Paula Patton

One of my favorite Hollywood couples is the beautiful actress Paula Patton and the ever so handsome song bird Robin Thicke. Without pointing out the obvious, she is African-American and he is Caucasian, none the less they are a beautiful couple. On the flip side you have another one of my favorite couples, actor Nick Cannon and songstress Mariah Carey. Again, without pointing out the obvious Nick is African-American and although she looks the part and classifies herself to be of the Caucasian persuasion Mariah is bi-racial. (Her mother is Irish and her father Afro-Venezuelan aka African-American) Because of this fact some will argue that this is not considered an interracial marriage, however since she identifies herself as white it is. Like these famous couples, everyday people encounter criticism for choosing to marry outside their race. The fact that people are still so closed-minded when it comes to color in 2013 baffles me, have we not grown to realize that love bears no color?
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The Side Chick Chronicles~Part Two

*Personally I feel that being a side chick, mistress and or other woman is counterproductive to your growth as a woman. What is that you gain from being someone’s dirty little secret? Money? A sense of security? A wet behind? It is sad that so many people (women especially) are settling for such a lifestyle. But here it is Part Two of the Side Chick Chronicles, the remaining five Commandments.*

6) Thou Shall Not Have Unprotected Sex; this is self-explanatory but there are plenty of women out here raw dogging a man who is sleeping with someone else with a condom. (And let’s be realistic if he is cheating on his better half with you what makes you think he is faithful to you? Don’t worry I’ll wait) With so many communicable diseases floating around you should want to protect yourself from catching something you can’t get rid of. (there are less extreme cases than HIV/AIDS like Herpes Simplex, syphilis, and Genital Warts) Not only that, but you also run the risk of an unplanned (or planned) pregnancy. No man is going to allow his side piece to carry and give birth to his seed, so by getting knocked up you are asking for problems and a trip to the clinic.

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Truth Be Told

*Before accepting my current position with a Fortune 500 company I worked for a local family black owned non-profit organization, while there were a few vanilla sprinkles here and there, the company was mostly African-American. My Senior VP was the definition of a strong black man and I had a tremendous amount of respect for him.(May he rest in peace) Every now and then he would come with euphemisms that would leave you thinking hours later about meaning of what he said and what it meant. “If not you then who, if not now when?” was always one of my favorite “one hitta quittas” as I call them. These past couple of weeks I have posted some articles that have ruffled some feathers and peaked some interests. Yesterday after my blog begin to circulate I was told by several different people that what I was saying was too real and that people weren’t ready to hear to the truth. I particularly am not one who is in the business of babysitting or patrolling the feelings of adults, so I am going to tell the truth and I don’t really care who can’t handle it or who is offended. * ~B~

Yesterday I asked the question to no one person in particular: ” If you can’t call him in an emergency why is it he can call you at any time (day or night) for sex?” (I am not bias nor am I anti-gay so my questions and posts can be interrupted to fit one’s lifestyle be it hetero or homosexual I don’t discriminate) There were a few “Amens” here and there but that isn’t what I was searching for. I wanted a real response and that’s exactly what I got.

“If the relationship is just sexual and a woman knows that, then that’s on her. Giving your body to a man doesn’t mean he has one up on you or is in control. Long as you’re having sex because you want to, women have needs to. A woman can be in control it’s just when those emotions get involved does drama begin.  You have to know where you are in life, if you want a man you can get your issue off with, then do so and don’t try to change the dynamic of the relationship. If it’s always been about sex, don’t get mad if he can’t save you when you call. If that’s what you’re looking for (someone to save you) then you need to be looking for a husband not a cut buddy.”

You CAN'T Handle The Truth!

You CAN’T Handle The Truth!

I found myself agreeing with her response to a certain degree. However it is no secret that women are emotional in nature and only a cruel and heartless woman (which there aren’t many) can truly handle a sex only relationship. Just as there is only a rare breed of women who can deal with being a side chick, no matter how hard a woman tries she can never really turn her feelings off and eventually emotions come into the picture and complicate things. Women never see themselves as booty calls, which is the reason why a woman would call a man whom she only sees after hours in the event of an emergency. If you don’t feel you can depend on him in a time of need why is worthy of your most precious jewel? Your body? The ugly truth of the matter is, women will settle for having a piece of man instead of having no man at all. (This is the very reason we accept a sideline position or anything less than a girlfriend or wife. Or why we still stay with a man who is unfaithful) Women quickly and easily confuse good sex and deep pockets with love. An orgasm and a new knock-off doesn’t equal love. It means you are a selling yourself short for a penis and a purse, to a man who more than likely has a wife, girlfriend or live in baby mama at home. Men are quick to put on like they are looking for a wife when what they really want is the Mrs. Ceily type. They want a woman who is going to cook, clean and take care of their bad ass children while he is out getting his boots rocked by his Suge Avery. A man will only treat you the way you let him, and if you let him climb on top of you and “do his business” then my dear he will continue to shit on you.

bc

I say all of that to say, whether you are the wife, girlfriend, baby mama, side bitch or booty call you need to know your worth. Women quickly and unknowingly devalue themselves the moment a man starts saying the right things. Morals and proper upbringing goes out the window and legs spread faster than margarine on toast. We allow men to disrespect and mistreat us as if that’s the way GOD intended it. Men have women arguing and fighting over them as if they have another chick waiting in the wings to fill the spot. The moment women realize that calling each other bitches and hoes when you find out ya’ll are sharing penis is ineffective will be the moment all becomes right within the world. She is not a hoe because she is sleeping with your man she is your teammate, embrace each other. Stop giving yourselves to someone who is not worthy of entering your temple. Each time you lay down with someone, be it for one night, months or years you are creating a soul tie. So before you open your legs stop and ask yourself, “Do I want to be bound to this person?”

“If not now? When? If not you? Who?”

Take care of yourselves ~B~

A Wolf In Sheep’s Clothing

*Disclaimer: This is a fictional account any similarities to those living or dead is merely coincidental*

Have you ever seen a wolf? Not the one that ate that Lil’ Red’s dear old granny or the one that “huffed and puffed” and blew down the houses of those three little pigs. I’m talking about a real life wolf. No? Well I can say that I have, that’s right I have come face to face with a wolf, looked him square in the eyes sure did. To be honest I shared a bed with this same wolf and did the unthinkable and the impossible. That’s right I done fell in love with a gotdamn wolf. If you have a moment I’ll be happy to tell you my story.

I guess I can now compare myself to Mary (No not Jesus’ mother. No, not Mary Magdellan either) the Mary who had a little lamb, you know the one that followed her all around? Her loyal friend and companion none the less. (My lamb was a full-grown sheep, same concept though) For as far back as I can recollect I have always been attracted to the bad guys and the wrong guys. (But isn’t that most of us women? We always want what is no good for us) Finally I just grew tired and decided all I truly needed was a loyal friend, someone to keep me grounded as well as be a companion. (The buddy and the boo) It was in this unlikely friendship with this sheep that I found myself falling in love. All the things Mr. Wrongs one through twenty had done wrong were all the things this here sheep in a jeep was doing right. It was only logical that we explored a deeper relationship. (I know I’m not alone here, can I get a head nod? A “Girl I been there!” Something!) Needless to say as the months grew hotter that sheep began to shed his wool, and more of him was revealed as time moved on. The saying “what’s done in the dark will always come to light” stands true and firm, you can only hide who you really are for so long especially in a relationship. Sadly, I’d seen all the flashing red lights before I crashed head first into a sea of drama, conflict and heartbreak. Still at this very moment I am wondering, “Where the hell is that boy (that cries wolf) when you need him?” I never saw it coming despite the obvious signs that kept popping up from all directions. Isn’t that what we do though? We become so blinded by what we believe to be love that we overlook the lies we are told. We do this because we don’t believe that someone who says “I love you” while looking into your eyes or in the heat of passion would ever do anything to betray the trust you feel they have earned. The ugly truth is that there isn’t always truth in people’s words, you have to demand action and even then still be skeptical.

Back to my story, it didn’t take long before that sheep’s suit became either too tight or too hot, hell it may have been too itchy I don’t really know. What I do know is that before I knew what had come of me I was staring a wolf right in the face. Talk about someone who was shocked, you could’ve bought me for a penny. But it was at that very moment that the entire relationship all began to make sense, at that moment when I finally saw this wolf for the beast that he was. I thought back to the week before when I said to myself  “My what sharp teeth you have for a sheep”, or a month prior when I thought “My what big hands you have for a sheep.”  Low and behold I’d been sleeping with a wolf all a long!

Moral of the story: “In time people will slowly reveal to you who they are, believe them! Don’t let the wool be pulled over your eyes”.

~Blessings B~

The Special Olympics

I have to admit I was very uninterested in the Olympics this year as I have for as long as I can remember. I didn’t watch an opening ceremony let alone a race or a gymnastic competition. So needless to say this post has very little to do with the actual Olympics or anything pertaining to Gabby Douglas or Michael Phelps, so just follow me.

“Hey Ladies, Relationships are NOT like gymnastics or diving in the Olympics. They DON’T give extra points for  degree of difficulty. Not saying you shouldn’t have a mind of your own, but to deliberately make yourself harder to get along with under the guise of being “strong” is ridiculous. And most often will have you finding yourself ALONE.”

It took me a minute after reading this profound statement to realize that this in fact was a subliminal message that while not intended directly towards me it was intended for me. At first I laughed to myself at the comparison of a relationship to an event in the Olympics. I have heard people refer to relationships to many things but this was a first. “They DON’T give extra points for degree of difficulty” struck a small nerve within me, maybe because in using the argument that I am “strong” I have more times than not made myself harder to get along with than necessary. I know I am not the only woman who has found herself to be guilty of such. The harsh reality is that no man wants a woman that won’t allow him to be a man. (Don’t get me wrong no man wants a woman who is needy and clingy either) There has to be a healthy balance and for a woman who is used to taking care of herself or one who has dealt in heartbreak that can be a difficult find. However, if you value your relationship the search must begin. Even as I write these words I struggle to find the medium between being “strong” and just being a bitch. It is no easy task to let your guards down and embrace the idea that someone other than you may have your best interest at heart and want to take care of you without asking anything in return. (Seems outrageous that someone may actually NOT be out to hurt you when so many were)

I am far from a relationship expert or the person to give relationship advice to another, but when you have found yourself in a situation then have that “Ah Ha” moment you can offer a bit of insight. “And most often you will find yourself ALONE”, that final statement sent a chill through my spine and a sharp pain through my heart. I don’t believe anyone, man or woman wants to be alone. Just like we don’t want to continue dating the wrong person, and in an effort to weed out the bad women often play the villain. You have to play the bad guy in order to figure out who the good guy is. Right? It’s ok to play hard to get to see who is willing to continue the chase? Isn’t it? How long is a man supposed to deal with your bullshit? Is he supposed to stick around in hopes that eventually you will see that he isn’t out to hurt you but in fact to heal the wounds that were caused by loves gone past? Fact of the matter is, just as we get tired so do they and eventually he is going to become tired of playing cat and mouse. There are so many damaged women, myself included that we don’t know what we have until it’s too late. They say that time heals all, and while at times it may not seem as though that is true and that the wounds merely become invisible on the surface love heals all if you are open to it. Don’t keep punishing the good guy because of the mistakes of the bad guy, do that and you’ll find yourself in last place with no medal. Trust me, the losers’ circle isn’t where you want to be.

 Is this you?

Blessings B~