"Child Support"

Since I started writing professionally people have always told me that my writings are pro-woman and that at times I come off as being a feminist. Obviously I am a woman, therefore I can only write from a woman’s perspective, however that doesn’t mean I am a feminist or a male basher. There are a lot of things that women do that I don’t agree with, and in those instances I will side with men and speak on the issue. This commentary is probably going to offend the guilty and raise the praises of the oppressed and I am more than fine with that, this won’t be the first time I step on some toes and it certainly won’t be the last.

As I stated there are certain things that women do that I do not agree with, one of them being putting a man who is more than willing to provide for his child or children financially on child support. Unfortunately we are the generation of baby mamas and baby daddies leaving no room for compromise when it comes to co-parenting. It appears to me that many young women today who have put themselves in the compromising position to be someone’s baby mama are bitter, angry and have a chip on their shoulder. There is this ideal that if a man doesn’t want to be with you even after you have had his baby that you can get back at him by filing child support on him. This has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard! Involving the state in your life is not the answer to any problem, it actually will make your situation worse. By putting child support on the father of your child or children you are building anger and hate inside him that will never be reversed, especially a man who is in all actuality a man and takes care of his responsibilities. Failure to pay child support in the state of Missouri is a felony, so if you have a man who is unable to meet his support order obligation a warrant will be issued for his arrest, his driver’s license will be suspended and he will be locked up. Now what? You aren’t going to get a dime because for one you don’t make no money in prison and two there are very few good paying jobs looking to hire felons. I am not one who agrees with locking a man up for not being able to meet his state mandated obligations, because if you locked up you can’t work! Women don’t take these things into account when they run to Family Support Division on Page, all they know is that they want to make this man’s life as hard as possible because she’s not getting her way. This way of thinking sets women back a hundred years. Being a single mother I know how hard it is raising a child alone, especially when it comes to finances, but if you have a man who wants to take care of his child or children let them! There aren’t that many men who are willing to do so voluntarily, if you have that value it, don’t abuse it cause he’s moved on or just don’t want you.

Now, on the other hand there are these dead beats out here that you couldn’t get a dime from if you loaned it to them. These are the ones that we need to go after for child support, these are the ones who deserve to be put under the jail for not being responsible. Any man who refuses to not only help raise his children but refuse to work to provide for them is not a man at all. This is where choices and good judgment come into play, you knew when you laid down and had unprotected sex with Lil Ray Ray that he had four other children that he wasn’t taking care of, so what made you think your baby would be any different? My Granny used to say “Mama’s baby and Daddy’s maybe.” This is something that has always stuck with me, because a man is never really legally obligated to raise a child. Men have the option of signing a child’s birth certificate and many men are choosing not to so they are free of legal financial obligations. In the state of Missouri the father is held responsible for children’s medical benefits, so if a child is receiving Medicaid, the state will go after the father for either child support or force him to put the child on the insurance provided by his employer. There is one final “tid bit” that makes the child support war all the more gruesome. The state of Missouri will not “bastardize” a child, meaning in Missouri if a man who is not the father signs the birth certificate he is legally responsible for that child even if paternity proves otherwise. The real father must be identified before the birth certificate will be amended freeing the said father of his responsibilities. In other words, even if you ain’t the daddy you are the daddy if you sign that paper! The moral of the story is, choose wisely when bringing a life into this world. We put these innocent children through these wars of back and forth not realizing that it is them that are being damaged in the long run. Ladies we have got to stop trying to get back at these men by using the children as collateral. Most men don’t know there are laws that protect them as well when it comes to being an unwed parent, you just have to seek them. What makes a woman who uses their children and the threat of child support on a man any less dead beat than a man who doesn’t do for his children? I will leave you all with that thought.

Florida Evans 101

Growing up I was raised by my mother, a single parent and my grandmother who has been married now for over 40 years. I can honestly say I was exposed to what it means to be a wife and a mother from watching these two women. In a previous post I talked about young women these days not knowing what it looks like or means to be a wife, they’d rather settle for being a “babymama”. To me this is ass backwards, why put yourself in a situation where you could end up raising your children alone? Yes I said my mother was a single parent but that was due to divorce, I was not the product of fornication. Yes I am a babymama but that was never the plan but now that I am I have to make the best of things. That is one mistake I will never make again, I am getting older and am ready to be a wife. (Notice I said WIFE not live-in, in house or girlfriend.) Unbeknownst to many I am a devout christian, I believe in GOD and the word. Therefore believing that woman is made from man for man. (Sounds prehistoric I know but this is what I was taught.) I am a strong believer in soul mates and there being that one person that GOD made just for me. To think that HE took the time to create someone only for me is an amazing feeling, so why would I not want to prepare myself, mind, body and spirit for him? As women we sometimes fail to realize that we are one of GOD’s greatest creations, without us there would be no life. We give ourselves to people who are undeserving and what happens?? We end up a babymama!

I take notes from the women I grew up watching, my mother, grandmother, Florida Evans and Claire Huxtable. A man wants to be treated like a man, made to feel like a man, a King none the less. I am not saying submit by any means but allow that man to play his role, in order to do that you must know yours. Get in the kitchen and make him a meal, listen to him talk about his day, be his solace in times or turmoil but most of all commit you him 100%. (Lets not forget all the freaky ish you need to do in the bedroom.) Be a woman to your man and you will be a wife….

Joint Custody

Co-parenting is one of the hardest things to do when you are not with the other parent, whether married or in a committed relationship. A lot of parents find themselves struggling with the ability to raise a child effectively as one when they are not functioning as a unit. I have come in contact with a lot of young fathers who want so badly to be an active part of their children’s lives but are not given the chance to do so because of bitter feelings from the child’s mother. What women fail to realize that while you may be hurting the man it is the child who is suffering the most in the end. A father is an important part of any child’s life no matter if it is a boy or a girl. A good man is hard to come by especially one who wants to actually take care of his responsibility. So what if a man doesn’t want to be with you, the way he feels about you doesn’t affect his love for his children. custody battles are the most degrading thing, because your entire life is put under a microscope. Women think that because they have a child they are able to control a man’s life. STOP thinking with this mentality, if a man wants to be a part of his kid’s life put all that bitter angry shit aside and allow him to do so. A close friend of mine hipped me to a young artist by the name of Don Trip who speaks about his son and his son’s mother. He is extremely voicestress about the fact that she won’t allow him to see his son. Here is his open letter to his son.~To be continued~

It’s My Baby Mama~part one~

“It’s my baby mama! YEEE ain’t know? I’m on child support! She get welfare checks but I stay in court.” ~Three 6 Mafia “Baby Mama~
For some reason my generation of women are of a totally different breed, so many of them are content being just a “baby mama”. It is true that we are the generation of the single mother but that doesn’t mean our mothers were baby mamas, most of them were married to our fathers at some point. I being a baby mama understand that situations happen and children come into this world unexpectedly but does that honestly have to become the norm? I will be honest, I never wanted to have children so the fact that I am someone’s “baby mama” disturbs me but it is something that I have come to terms with and my son’s father and I have an understanding and are on great terms. I could be the drama queen that I am known to be and make his life miserable but what would that accomplish? Absolutely nothing so why even go through that? Too many women are out here making babies with men that have no intentions on being with them and think this is ok. No it is not stop thinking with this mind frame, children need to grow up with a mother and a father I am a firm believer in this. Women have babies thinking this is going to keep a man or make him want her, No maam! If a man truly does not want to be with you a child is not going to change his state of mind. I am not knocking baby mamas because again I am one. I wouldn’t change having my son for the world but if I had the chance to do it all again I would wait until I was married to bring life into this world. What happened to being a wife? What happened to having a family? Yes a family is what you make it and can consist of a mother and her children but that’s not the American dream. Women these days have lost sight of what we should have been taught growing up. But how can we expect young women to know how to be a wife if they weren’t exposed to what a wife looks like? ~To be continued~