The “She’s Gotta Have it Complex”

*as written for BallerAlert.com

Polyamory-“the practice, desire or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved.”

In a society where the need for a variety seems to be all the rave, more and more people are accepting the idea of being polyamorous. These people feel that the idea of monogamy is highly overrated and find that being open about being in several, emotional (and physical) relationships at the same time is the way to go.

So what does it really mean to be polyamorous?

Some will get the term and the idea with that of cheating. A polyamorous person is completely open and honest with his/her partners about their want to be in a relationship with other people simultaneously. A person who believes in polyamory will tell you that it is very important to be honest with all those involved , such relationships are only possible if all partners are completely open. They will also tell you that these relationships will not work if all parties do not like each other. Sounds insane right? It is easy to view the idea of polyamory as “swinging” or a way to justify cheating but that is not at all the case. Swingers are classified as people who have sex for fun without an attachment of sorts to the other person. Swinging is just about sex and more likely than not has no deeper meaning than just that. Polyamorous individuals however, have intimate, emotional and meaningful relationships. They primarily seek companionship but without the title and the attachment of monogamy.imagesAOECRFDR

The idea of having to maintain several relationships sounds complicated, but according to those who practice polyamory the only complications come when a partner becomes too clingy. Sure, there’s jealousy, but one needs to weigh their options and see what is more important— jealousy or living a life based on certain principles. I’m sure betrayal does take place even in polyamorous relationships, but that is the case with any relationship. Most of it has to do with maturity, you have to stop and ask yourself how much less drama would we have in our lives if we were all honest with what we really wanted?  We are conditioned into believing that monogamy is natural, so exploring polyamory seems to be outlandish. Men are allowed to sleep with several women at once without telling one about the other and society pats him on the back. A woman who is sexually free is labeled as a whore and tramp, because learned behavior and conditioning tells us this is the way things should be. It is a societal norm that is reinforced on us, marriage as an institution is overrated. I have always been vocal in my beliefs that marriage is not for everyone, not saying that polyamory is either, especially in a world plagued with STI’s. In relationships men tend to have the upper hand, but when both parties are open and honest about seeing others, the woman is less likely to be taken for granted. Men have the don’t ask don’t tell mentality when it comes to cheating, as do women now a days hence the rise of the side chick. People are having secret relationships and betraying the trust of all those involved when all along not recognizing that honesty is the best policy. Sure, not everyone is mentally equipped to handle a polyamorous relationship, and for some betrayal is the inevitable as is jealously. But “side chicks” are the ultimate poster child for polyamory acceptance and some will tell you that they along with the unknowing girlfriend are on the same team. (Those who have entered into a union under the site of GOD are on an entirely different field, and should educate themselves on adultery and bigamy prior to exploring and external situationship.)

 I guess what it all boils down to this;

“It’s really about control, my body, my mind. Who was going to own it? Them? Or me? I’m not a one-man woman. Bottom line.” ~Nola Darling “She’s Gotta Have It”

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