Commitment Phobe?

“I’m not into committing myself to things I can’t walk away from. Like marriage and children.” ~E. Rob

I don’t think I have ever heard a more direct and honest statement than the one quoted above come from a woman when speaking in terms of relationships and marriage. Funny thing about it is, I was able to relate 100% to her. I have written in-depth about the want for “happily ever after” in my life, the desire to one day become a bride. (Notice I said Bride not Wife) there is something to be said about that which I will explore at a later time. As a young woman who is vastly approaching her thirties it may seem strange for me to openly and honestly admit that I may not want the storybook happily ever after, after all.

It is not fair to assume that because I won’t commit that  I have a fear of responsiblity (as this comes with committment), unlike my above quoted comrade I am a mother and that in itself is one of life’s greatest commitments and responsibilities. (I mean, you are responsible from conception to adulthood for the life of another human being). If I am being transparent, I will admit that my fear of commitment extends beyond relationships in that there are very few things that I start and actually see through to completion. (This is a fact, one I am not proud of but a fact none the less). SONY DSCMy refusal to commit stems from a sense of displacement, which means I do not have expectations of being anywhere for too long, nor do I commit to certain things or projects and as a defense mechanism against the grief felt in sudden loss, departure or failure I have learned the art of non-commital. Clinical professionals would call it “borderline personality disorder” I call it being proactive in my own life. I know some are reading this and thinking, “What kind of life is that to live?” this is a very relevant question because at some point, conforming to the social norm (marriage, family, white picket fence) or settling is inevitable, right? I dislike the standard that society sets forth that if a woman is not married or in a monogamous relationship by a certain age that is destined to be on old maid or there is something wrong with her.

“I just don’t want to be in a situation where my choices are taken away from me. Will I get married? Probably. Will I have a baby? Eh, that’s up to GOD.” ~E. Rob

I had to ask myself in the sense of relationships, what is it that brings about a hesitation. It was an easy answer with a complex explanation, I simply don’t want the responsiblity of having to accountable for my actions or the feelings of another. Always being a rebel, it is doesn’t seem natural for me to have to answer to someone other than [The Most High] for my actions. Obviously you can’t come to this kind of conclusion without a little trial and error, I have had my fair share of “relationships” so figuring out what works and what doesn’t has been quite the journey. Over the years I have come to the conclusion that I can write my own rules to this thing called life and they don’t necessarily have to “fit” the mold of what others call normal. fear-of-commitmentWhat does “normal” look like anyway. Is my journey over? Of course not, there is still a lot of living that has to be done, with living comes learning. Being one to start and never finish things is simply being a quitter, so in that regard I am fully commited (go figure) to seeing my upcoming projects through to the end, after all I can’t teach my son that it’s okay to be a quitter. Until then, I’m single and someone who have to be pretty darn amazing to change that.

 “All those men who end up disappointing you. After a while, you don’t even want to have feelings anymore. You just want to get on with your life.” ~Sex and the City
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