Lonely Innocence

I was sitting in the park with my son today, for his little league’s meet and greet. I sat at a picnic table watching the boys play basketball, interacting with each other and the coaches. Then I looked over towards the baseball diamond and there amidst the dust was a lone red shirt on a little stick figure of a body, it was my son. I sat for a while longer watching him before going over to see what he was doing. I watched as he played in the dirt, shoes off without a care in the world as if nobody but him were in the park. Part of me (the only child for thirteen years part) understands his comfort in being and playing alone. As an only child he creates his own entertainment daily, and without problem or complaint, he spends nearly all of his time just me and him. The other part of me (the mother part) was worried about that lone red shirt playing in the dust of the baseball diamond. After about 30 minutes of watching from the table I walked over to him and asked what he was doing all by himself. He said, “Nothing, just playing and I’m fine.” sad

Naturally as mothers we want nothing but the best for our children, we want them to be healthy, happy and all the things they need as well as the things they want. Since I found out I was going to be a mother I knew that no matter what I would do all the things that were not only required of me but what was requested of me to ensure his happiness. I admit that watching my son play alone while the other children played together made me sad on some level. Every parent believes they have an amazing or special child/children and I am no different. We find ourselves praying for them more than we pray for ourselves, we find ourselves worrying about their safety more than our own. We hope that from the moment of conception that we can give them all they need in order to survive in a world as crazy as ours. We want them to grow up to be something great, a doctor, a lawyer or a famous football player.

 

“Your son will hold your hand only for a little while. But he will hold your heart for a lifetime”~Author Unknown

Not realizing that at the age of five or eight all they want to do is play dress-up or ride a bike. The pressure of being a child often times outweighs the pressures of being an adult and we don’t realize how much of an impact our expectations have on their little lives. As we were leaving the park, one of the other football moms said to me, “He is going to have to eventually cut the umbilical cord.” I have always been charged with “babying” my son, and allowing him to be a mama’s boy. (What’s wrong with that?) Could this be the reason he appears to be a “loner”? After leaving the park I reached out to a friend who is also a parent and asked for some advice, because to be honest I was feeling very sad. I expressed my concerns on my little one being a loner and how I was worried that he would grow up to be the same way. )(We all know the loners in school, the kids we considered to be strange) I was re-assured that by putting him in team sports such as football that he would soon be acclimated to playing with other children and not being with me as much but I had to cut the purse strings. That there would be times when I would have to be a little cold-hearted and just leave him. (at football practice or other events where my attendance was not required) I had to ask myself was I projecting worries of concern off on my son without there even being something to be concerned about? Is it my own insecurities that worry me? Is this something that we as mothers are guilty of?

Going into a new adventure with my son playing football for the first time I look forward to him learning more about himself and me doing the same. I have always been the social butterfly, so for some reason I expected the same of my son, this is unrealistic because while he and I are one very much the same we are also very different. I had cousins that  were like my siblings growing up so I was never truly alone, and at the age of thirteen my mother had my sister. He is truly an only child with no other children outside of school mates to spend time with outside of the home. Loners tend to be independent thinkers and with the right teachings become leaders. I look forward to beginning this new journey with my son as he explores new and exciting people and friendships.

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