I stood in the middle of my kitchen floor humiliated and degraded. My face was red and soaked with tears and I was dripping wet with sweat yet my skin was cold and I had the shakes. How did it come to this? Was my past finally catching up with me? Was I going to have to pay for all those years of wrong doing I thought I had made right? It was 2am and I was too exhausted and ill to try to find the answers to any of those questions. I sat down on my couch and read the text messages over and over, “This is how this is going to work. For all those years of keeping me a prisoner of guilt I’m going to make you my BITCH. You gonna be compliant with all that ask until I am satisfied you have suffered enough. Should you give me any resistance I will expose you and all your dirty little secrets.” I had to laugh a little to myself, “This nigga couldn’t possibly be serious! This shit only happens when Victor Newman is involved, NOT in real life! WHO blackmails someone?” Finally I laid down hoping sleep was in my future and that I would soon wake up from this nightmare. As soon as I closed my eyes the events of a few hours prior replayed over and over like a bad porno. I could feel the chunks rise up in my throat and before I knew it I had thrown up everything but my memories. I looked in the mirror and quickly become disgusted with the reflection that stared back at me, probably because I had seen her before. She was someone I thought I buried long ago, a skeleton that had been buried deep in my closet.
In reality she was very much still a part of me, the only difference was that I worked so hard to become nothing like her or even someone who remotely resembled her. Who was “she” you ask? Let’s just say she is a young woman with a charted past and a lot of secrets, secrets that could not only ruin her life but the lives of many others should they come out. I laughed to myself as images of certain people in uncompromising positions flooded my mind. I wasn’t proud of the shit I’d done by any means, but the truth of it all was that I HAD in fact done them and now this nigga was going to “expose” me or at least that’s what he thought. While I had put my past far behind me, it wasn’t beneath me to take a step back and do what I had to do to protect myself and the reputation I was working so hard to build. “Expose me? Yeah ok we gone see who gets exposed when I get done. Fuck me and I will surely fuck you back.” The laugh I released after I said that was so wicked and laced with anger that it scared me.
~To Be Continued~