Married or Single? Pick a Box

When you fill out a job application or a credit application and you get to the “Marital Status” question you are offered on of five options; “Married”, “Single”, “Seperated”, “Divorced” or “Widowed”. (never married is sometimes an added irrelevant option it’s the same as single). Nowhere on that application is there a box for “in a long-term relationship” or “living with my boyfriend”. Only on Facebook can you claim “In a relationship” or “It’s complicated”. marital-status-optionsTo put it plainly, society does not acknowledge a relationship that has not been consummated by marriage. Many, myself included believe that a piece of paper should not be needed to validate your love for someone, unfortunately unless you have that piece of paper you are single. You generally can not go to your job’s human resource office and say “I want to cover my girlfriend on my insurance” (unless this a domestic partner which is ass backwards if you ask me. The fact that a same-sex domestic partnership will be acknowledged before a “relationship” is baffling) I know this is a shocking thing for some but unfortunately it’s the truth and the truth hurts. It used to be that  you could live with someone for seven years and common law in Missouri acknowledged this as a marriage, that law was abolished in 1921. People will argue that a relationship is just as worthy to be acknowledged as a marriage, while I will agree I will also disagree. The sanctity of a relationship is up to you and your girlfriend/boyfriend not others, marriage is respected by all because it is something that was adorned under the eye of GOD. This is no way a religious post, however, as quoted in the good book; “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). “To be united with wife not his babymama or his girlfriend”, although, the Bible does not specifically state it is wrong for an adult man and adult woman who are unrelated to live together, it condemns sexual intimacy before marriage and it reveals that God has only one plan for a man and woman living together – marriage.Wedding Ring

If the Bible does not acknowledge such relationships why should society? When I asked this question on Twitter I received several different opinionated responses which I encouraged. “The honor you choose to place on your relationship is the same if you’re GODLY or not” was one of the comments thrown back at me. I couldn’t agree more with this statement, it is YOUR responsibility to place honor on your relationship, it is YOUR responsibility to be faithful because the only consequences you will suffer will be that of man. Others do NOT have to respect your situation (It’s sad but true) If a married man cheats his consequences will be greater because he made a vow to not only his wife but to GOD not to commit adultery (which a sin by the way). If you are shacking up or in a relationship and you cheat you are already committing a sin through fornication and having sex out-of-wedlock and should be concerned with that at judgement day. (But again this is not a religious post). It is hard for me to grasp the idea that someone can be good enough to give your body to, have a baby with, live with but they aren’t qualified to carry your last name. (I’m speaking from a woman’s standpoint, sorry fellas). As a whole society has adapted the mentality that it is acceptable to do permanent things with temporary people. A lot of women spend time learning and preparing to be a wife only to waste their time on a man who has no intentions of marrying her and in some cases already has a wife. (Ooops did I say that?) I know it is a hard pill to swallow that there are men who in fact already have a wife but play house with another woman.  I am not in the business of babysitting the feelings of adults so I don’t sugar much especially the truth, but there are too many women in relationships with men who are single. Men are selling fairytales to these women knowing they so far on the down low they can conversate with the ants. (I’ll let that sit for a minute and sink in).

It is not my belief that all people who are simply in a relationship are stepping out on their partner, but the truth of the matter is if you aren’t married you’re single. Part of the definition of the word single when used as a noun is; An unmarried person or lacking a partner. (You don’t have to take my word for it just ask Merriam Webster). I realize there are a lot of people who will disagree with what they have just read, and that is to be expected. I also realize that in order to find a husband or a wife you have to date, you have to be in a relationship, you have to experience that person. But don’t expect society to be obligated to respect and acknowledge your relationship status (especially if you don’t), ask yourself is the person you’re doing married people things with worthy of being your wife or husband. Fellas ask yourself if this woman is good enough to have your children is she good enough to carry your last name. Ladies be aware of what is going on around you, if you are cooking, cleaning and washing his socks and Fruit of the Looms and haven’t met his mother you need to re-evaluate.  STOP DOING WIFELY THINGS FOR A MAN WHO ISN”T EVEN YOUR BOYRFRIEND!

*Disclaimer* I am not saint, in fact I am a sinner who is probably going to sin again. I am a strong believer that no sin is greater than the next and I do not judge. I am single and not just in the metaphorical sense. I have been places and done things and ultimately earned the right to speak such things as you have just read.

“Don’t chase em, replace em, give em a Chinese nickname- Long Gone”

4 thoughts on “Married or Single? Pick a Box

  1. oharmons2cents says:

    If you’re judging single by some religions or governmental standards then you’re going to win that argument 1,000 times out of 1,000, but in most cases “not single” simply means spoken for and committed to (although we can question commitment levels at times). It’s just a common way to define if you’re available or not. I just don’t konw if the titles GF/BF and fiance or obselete, because they can’t technically commit adultery. I hear where you’re coming from, but I just disagree. Great post though!

  2. Cartez "T.C." Singleton says:

    Wow Ms. Lady this is a pretty iron clad argument you have here. When you are dealing with “official” business if your not married you are single as you proposed on Facebook. And I must admit I felt some kind of way about that. Then you come with the biblical point of view (although its not a religious article). And that makes the argument seem even more iron clad. However, just because the officials don’t respect the process doesn’t mean that the process should not be respected.

    To look at the matters of the heart from the sole prospective of a check mark or filling in the bubble on a form will just not give one a complete view. The bible does speak on marriage and also speaks on unacceptable behavior for non married folk. Yet it does not speak on the the process at least not directly. The bible says “he who findith a wife findith a good thing”. It don’t say he who findith a woman and makith her a wife makith a good thing. So it could be said that she was already a wife when she was found. As in wifey material. I heard TD Jakes say something like that ( although this ain’t a religious artical).

    People have free will and will respect whatever they choose. Be it a marriage or a relationship. It is up to us to us to issue the consequences and repercussions for disrespecting what we hold dear. Regardless of the title. Although I have no children the woman who brings my seed into the world will hold a place of honor in my life and in my circle. With that being said just because she has had my child and is excellent mother that does not mean I foundith a wife. So she is more then qualified and to be a mother but not a wife to me.

    To be single is to be 1, only, by yourself, solitary. To be married is not the only way to disqualify yourself from these definitions. As soon as you allow somebody to have a say so in your happiness, and spiritual and emotional wellbeing. You are NOT single. As soon as you accept responsibility for another happiness spiritual and emotional wellbeing you are NOT single. Actions speak louder then words and titles.

    Somewhere in this game we have lost respect for the process. The Maturation process, the planting of the seed that grows in to matrimony. The stages, the tests, the good, the bad, the ugly. All these things should all be experienced before you become married. If that is true then single is not a accurate title for a person that has weathered and or sheltered you from life’s storms. All cultures and sub cultures have names and titles for this and what it IS but one thing it is NOT is single.

    There was a time when it was illegal for slaves to marry. So there marriages were not acknowledged by the law or white society as a whole. Would you say to those slaves that jumped the broom that they were not really married? Or still single? I think just because the masses or the powers that be disrespects or refuses to acknowledge the process. Does not mean that the process should be disrespected or not acknowledged. There is a vast and power world between single and married cuzz. We need to start giving it its just due.

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