I have so much I want to tell you. So many things you have missed, so many things we need to catch up on. Growing up I always knew you would be there for all of life’s events, the good the bad and the ugly. But here I am, nearly twenty-eight years old and I have a laundry list of things you weren’t present for. You weren’t around when I suffered my first heartbreak. The entire family was present at my high school graduation but you weren’t. You missed my commencement ceremony from Army Basic Training. It wasn’t you that I first called when I found out I was going to have a baby, and you weren’t present at his birth or his blessing. You missed his first birthday and my twenty-first. In case you were wondering his name is Laethan and he is an amazing kid, he will be eight in two weeks. He just took second place in his school’s science fair, you would love him. I look at him and I wonder, “What would life be like for you if your grandfather were here?”
I ask myself that same question of my own life, “What would life be like if my Daddy was here?” I wonder are you proud of me? Do I disappoint you? Have I become the woman you prayed I would be? I ask myself how different things would be had you not left thirteen years ago. It has taken me thirteen years to accept that you are in fact gone, that GOD doesn’t have to offer an explanation and if you had a say so you would have chosen to stay. If you had your way on March 21, 2000 you would have told GOD that you weren’t ready, that you still had unfinished business here on Earth. That you had a daughter who was one day going to need you to tell her that just because one boy broke her heart doesn’t mean they all will. You would’ve told GOD that you had a daughter who was going to one day need you to escort her down the aisle, that you were going to one day have a grandson who you just had to meet. I know now that GOD doesn’t work like that and you were only here on borrowed time. It is not a day that goes by that our last conversation doesn’t replay in my head. “I just called to tell you that I love you and I will see you later.” Later never came, an hour later the call came and you were gone.
Over the years you have been honored for your dedication to the law enforcement and those are the stories I will share with your one and only grandson. Your picture still hangs in the entry way to the Pagedale Police department. I can only pray that at the age of 27.5 that I am making you as proud as I was when I was 14.5. In my heart I know you have not missed one milestone in my life and that your arms are the ones who protect Laethan when I cannot. You may not be here in the physical but your memory and spirit is forever present in me. I am my father’s daughter. I love you dad and more than anything, I miss you.
Gregory M.Lewis 4/22/62-3/21/00