I thought this needed to be shared, despite the message I find the information to be useful. This post was adapted from a compilation of conversations and exerpts from other posts. This is part one of a series. Enjoy.
Let me first say that as a little girl I dreamed of one day becoming a wife and mother, but isn’t this what all little girls dream? We make Barbie marry Ken and even have a pretend wedding with the unwilling little boy next door. So you can imagine my disbelief and hurt when I found out that the man I was in love with was not at all what or who he said he was. I had been in a whirl wind romance for years with a man who had nothing but ill intentions when it came to me and our relationship. He never had any intentions on marrying me and everybody knew it except for me. It has taken me a very long time to come to terms with how things played out. Only recently have I been able to grasp the fact that I was indeed his umm, well how do I say this? Mistress? Side chick? Other woman? Unbeknownst to me I was in fact the ultimate player in this game of hearts. I could have taken my heartbreak and buried my head in the sand, but instead I’ve used it as a lesson learned. Now I am using my living knowledge to educate others. I’m sure I will receive some back lash for condoning or “birthing” if you will “side chicks” but let’s not be coy, infidelity has become the new normal. So for all the side chicks, aspiring side chicks and side chicks who don’t know they’re side chicks this is for you. I encourage the “main chick” to follow my story as well, just as a precautionary measure so you know what you are potentially up against.
Without further ado, I give you; The Ten Commandments:
1) Thou Shall Know Her Place; when you accepted the position of the “other woman” you knowingly took a position as a second string player. There is nothing worse than a woman who “settles” with expectations. If at any point you find yourself expecting anything more than what you’re getting (You should never enter a situation such as this without getting something other than a wet behind) you need to pick yourself up and gracefully exit stage left. Know your role and stay there. It is when boundaries are over stepped that things get messy and feelings get involved. Do not accept the role if you know you want more, why settle for less if you “love” him? You will only find yourself fighting to fill a position that has no current openings.
2) Thou Shall Not Enter this Situation Without Knowing What She Wishes to Gain; What does he do for you besides sex you? Is your rent being paid? A carnote? Do you have outside expenses that he is taking care of without resistance? Is he paying tuition? He is emotional supportive? Ask yourself, have we gone on expensive trips? Is he cashing out? Is the thought of being alone on the holidays worth it? Cause let’s face it, there won’t be any 4th of July fireworks or Thanksgiving turkey and you can forget Valentine’s Day. So what do you gain from being nothing more than a convinent piece of ass? As cliche’ as it sounds he needs to pay to play. DO NOT DISCUSS NOR COMPROMISE. And surely do not degrade yourself for no benefit when there is so much at stake. You are not in a relationship! Set the requirement, cause let’s face it he is another woman’s man.
3) Thou Shall NOT concern herself with “Her”; let me reiterate that, DO NOT CONCERN YOURSELF WITH “HER”. Do not inquire or ask about her, and do not worry yourself about her. Do not follow her on Instagram or Twitter. Do not request her on Facebook and do not link with her on LinkedIn. Do not stalk or keep up with her she is not your concern. If you are comfortable with the position you chose then you should have no quandaries about the next woman. (And if prattle you are not in a good head space my dear then you may need to reevaluate your position on the team) By following this rule you will save yourself a lot of trouble, do not put yourself in an imaginary competition with his woman, you will drive yourself crazy. Remember, “Comparisons are odious”.
3B) Thou Shall Not Allow “Him” To Discuss “Her” With You; if at any point in time he references her or brings her up it is your responsibility to change the subject immediately. There is no rhyme or reason to have any conversation regarding her, she is his problem, his concern NOT YOURS. Don’t invite unneccessary mayhem into an already complicated situation. In all honesty, women are jealous and emotional by nature, so him talking to you about her will only awaken the green-eyed monster, SHUT IT DOWN the moment it appears!
4) Thou Shall Make Her Own Rules; when you allow him to set the rules you are setting yourself up to rebel. Simply put, you have the pu$$y you make the rules. Do not allow him to set the tone for the situation, this allows him too much power. Eve made Adam eat the apple not vice versa, pu$$y is power. (If you are a man with a mistress and intend on giving her rules then you intend to lose, rules are made to be broken)
5) Thou Shall Not Cause Drama; This is probably one of the most difficult commandments of all to follow, but if you follow rules 3 and 3B it should be relatively easy. Do not show up where you know they will be, do not call his house, do not blow his phone up when you know he is with her. Do not make a scene should you three happen to bump into each other. Do not make an effort to contact her. Do not post pictures of the two of you on any social media sites (A smart man will never put himself in a compromising position where there are photos with his side chick anyway.) Do not posts comments on his wall or @ him on Twitter. You will only refer to “him” as “HIM” on social sites, why? Because you know your role! A good side chick is seen and not heard, the bigger the production you put on the more inclined he will be to leave your ass alone. Leaving you hurt and embarrassed.
~To Be Continued~
related articles: Confessions of a Side Chick