“Remember the Tinman”

“When a relationship dies do we ever really give up the ghost or are we forever haunted by the spirits of  relationships past?” ~Carrie Bradshaw

I woke up this morning with the song “Remember the Tin Man” by Tracy Chapman replaying over and over in my head. Why I can’t exactly say, but the words replayed vividly over and over forcing me to sing them aloud,

Who stole your heart?
The smile from your face
The innocence the light from your eyes
Who stole your heart or did you give it away
And if so then when and why?”

A short time ago I had a conversation with a friend in regards to being heartbroken, we talked about the pain that one feels when they suffer a loss of love, be it a break-up or the passing of someone dear. Although metaphorical, heartbreak is a serious condition in which it takes time to recover from. While the pain we feel from the death of a loved one is a pain that is inevitable, one that we can not escape no matter how hard we try, death will always be heart breaking. The day death no loner phases you is the day you need to check your pulse because you may be dead yourself.

The loss of a relationship on the other hand is something different entirely. After so long and the suffering of so many blows to the heart you would think that it would stop working. Granted not all people go through trials and tribulations in their love life, but the truth is most of us do. After so long you along with your heart becomes worn, tired and less functional (metaphorically speaking), in the end your heart still beats but it is damaged. So the question becomes is it better to be heartless than it is to have a heart and be vulnerable to heartbreak? Over the years it has become evident to me that while my heart beats it no longer feels. There are many things that I am compassionate about, my love for youth, and writing and my son and family, but outside of that I like Dr. Suess’ Grinch have a heart that just may be two sizes too small. Granted this is not exactly the best way to go through life, especially when you want to someday become a wife. (Go figure) I can admit that I have done my share of wrongs to aid in my heartbreak, which is another reason why I have become complacent with being mean and cruel, if it means I don’t get hurt. There is a down side to being heartless though, other people get hurt by your sharp tongue and nonchalant treatment of their feelings. A true heartless person has little to no regard for the feelings of others nor their perception of them, I on the other hand do. (Most times it’s not until I have lashed out and spit fire to those I hold dear.) A lot of women can relate to building a wall to protect her heart from being broken again, the pain of a broken relationship is often times too unbearable to put on repeat. There is no band-aid big enough to cover a hole in the heart, only time can mend those wounds.

It was this morning that it occurred to me as I sang aloud; “Brendolyn, remember the Tin Man, he had a heart all along he just didn’t know it. “

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